It’s a snowy Saturday evening, mellow and chill, sitting by the fire and acknowledging my human-ness — the need to slow down, breathe, and to simply be today.
I have a TBI (traumatic brain injury) from Dec. of 2011 that, while it’s SO much better in year 8 of healing, continues to play a role in my day-to-day life. That when I get involved with work, such sacred work with you sweet souls, and my self-care lags, my head speaks loudly and very clearly to me.
It’s my friend who watches over me with love — that’s how I’ve chosen to reframe the “injury” rather than relating to it out of frustration with it.
The healing from it has most definitely been a life altering and transforming journey — one that ended my 14 year long career as a masterful educator en route to applying for her PhD, and began my journey of self-care and healing as it could not be denied, it would NOT be denied may be a more accurate way of describing it.
It also is the pivot point in my life in this calling of assisting others in deeply intimate soul healing and whole’ing work. I know that I would not be doing what I do today if it had not been for the head injury followed by the near death mudslide experience — Ok, God, you’ve got my attention!
Back to the TBI…
If I chose something other than rest, ie pretending I was “fine” and pushing through it, I would be in bed for at least 2 weeks at a time needing to rest to get some semblance of balance again. It truly was not worth it to push through but it was something I had to learn over and over and over again.
Stubborn? Yes. And, a part of me says it was because it was the only way I knew to be.
I was an achiever. I did great at school and accumulated degrees. I needed to prove a very core wounding around self-worth, that I was in fact worthy to be on this planet and a worthy daughter to my traditional Indian parents, who I adore and who have also evolved immensely since my birth, who had wanted a boy but got me instead. I “proved” that worthiness through accomplishments — 3 university degrees, at at one of the most prestigious universities in Canada, were still not enough.
And, then just as I was applying to the PhD program, the head injury occurred. Severe. Serious.
“I’m not sure how you’re functioning based on the severity of the head injury. If you had hit your head just a fraction lower, you would be paralyzed at the very least,” is what I heard from my amazing doctor, Dr. Greg Blaney.
And, very unexpectedly, he asked me, “Who prays for you?”
Stunned, I mean, he was a western doctor and not a “whoo-whoo” doc, I replied, “My mom. Every single day. Since the day I was born.”
His inquiry asked with sincerity has, to this day, left an impression on my heart and soul.
Who prays for you?
A seemingly simple question, but not really in the world of western medicine, in 2011. Even today, it would be a surprising question.
What I hear now is: It’s a f***ing miracle that you’re functioning! Seriously, who’s got the direct line to the Greater to watch over you?
I never believed in prayer — I was surrounded by it 24/7 being the daughter of devote Sikh parents — I had rejected it and had leaned into the scientific method taught at school. But after that question and the life that has unfolded since, I am a deep, wide, and high believer in the power of prayer and direct connection the the Divine.
Who prays for you, my love?
However that lands for you. However that resonates with you. My hope is that you find whatever is the most meaningful way of connecting to your own soul self, your own heart, and that which loves you so so much that it breathes you every single day and night, even while you sleep.
That every breath is a prayer. It truly can be as simple as that.
And, how is the Divine guiding you to different choices, a different life than the one you thought you would live? To the one you are meant to live? To the one your soul is guiding you towards?
May the Divine, the Greater, Source, Spirit, God, Love, Cosmic energies — however it is that you relate to it — be your companion in this life, in your heart, in your breath, and in your daily living.
Who prays for you? I do. My mom still does too.
I love you. And, appreciate deeply the journey each one of us is on.